Sex dating and relationships a fresh approach
For instance, most Christian women won’t make out with just any guy; but they will make out with their boyfriend. In short, we can’t slap the label “dating” on a male/female relationship and then justify engaging in sexual activity that we would otherwise deem inappropriate between unmarried men and women.So if “the bounds of the neighbor relationship are binding until marriage” (p.
A main problem with contemporary dating relationships is that they tend to grant license to sexual activity that we would otherwise intuitively deem inappropriate. In our book, we argue that a dating relationship is really just a subset of the neighbor relationship, and thus must be governed by its sexual guidelines.And this doesn’t mean only abstinence from sexual intercourse, but abstinence from all sexual activity. The problem with viewing a dating relationship as its own distinct category of relationship is that—being a modern invention—it lacks any explicit scriptural boundary regarding sexual relations.Feeling left to our own devices, we have invented our own guidelines of sexual purity. Some are fairly conservative, while others are not.When you peel away the veneer, the commitment of a dating relationships is pretty shallow. In the book you suggest that pre-marital relationships should only become romantic at engagement. We are not suggesting that an engaged couple repress their sexual and romantic feelings for each other, or pretend that they are not sexually attracted to each other.
Yet we treat these relationships as though they were a quasi-marriage, and thus grant them a measure of security that isn’t really there. You write, “To romantically woo a woman, or to give your heart away to a man, prior to a marriage commitment is to paint an unclear portrait of Christ and the church. It is never wrong to anticipate a good gift from God.Clearly some physical activities (like shaking hands, a kiss on the cheek) are not inherently sexual. A great way to judge the sexual nature of a physical activity is to consider the activity against the backdrop of the nuclear family.And other physical activities (oral sex, fondling) are clearly sexual. We call it the “family test”: if I wouldn’t engage in x activity with a biological relative because it would be sexually inappropriate to do so, then that activity is, by definition, a sexual activity. There’s more to sexual purity than this, but framing things in this way provides a good deal of clarity regarding appropriate sexual boundaries.Our conclusion in this matter is pretty countercultural, and so my temptation here is to provide a prolonged defense and justification.