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Humans are a unique species in that we are wired for both monogamy and polyamory. I am definitely monogamous, when I image being in a polyamorous relationship I quickly understand that my response would be to give up and go find someone who wants to be monogamous.
It was refreshing to hear that we are hardwired for both, with some people tending towards monogamy and others towards polyamory.
In a place like Portland, Oregon, I often feel like I'm wrong and old-fashioned for being monogamous, but it's simply my nature.
BDSM: I was surprised to find that I identified with many of the facets of BDSM, so this is section deserves several paragraphs.
(p 75) So, what if someone does not respect your boundaries? However, if circumstances require that you have some interaction with this person, Harper recommends imagining a clear pane of glass between you and the boundary-violator.
Interestingly, BDSM may be the way to work through trauma best in an intimate relationship (see my BDSM entry below) Boundaries: For those of you who don't know what boundaries are, "having healthy boundaries means understanding where we need space and where we need scaffolding and communicating those needs to the people around us." (p 67) This is difficult for a lot of people, because we were never taught to pay attention to our boundaries, which are fluid and do change over time.